According to medical doctors Julie and John Gottman, founders of The Gottman Institute, a strong friendship is the basis of a lasting couple relationship. The Gottmans’ knowledge and wisdom was gained from John’s 40 years of clinical research studying more than 3,000 couples and Julie’s years as an expert therapist. This led the masters of relationship to create a practical model of the skills that were employed in the research. They identify seven principles that make for a healthy, lasting relationship and capture this in an image called The Sound Relationship House.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy involves building love maps (knowing a partner’s world), sharing fondness and admiration, treating the small moments of everyday life as the building blocks of relationship, learning to listen and validate each other, turning toward each other’s bids for attention, establishing reliable ways to repair their relationship when there is conflict or disconnection, distinguishing when conflicts are solvable and when they are perpetual. Sixty-nine percent of every couple’s issues are perpetual, meaning they cannot be solved, but can be understood, appreciated and lived with.

The Gottman method helps couples learn to compromise, but not to violate their core self. They learn to talk honestly about hopes, values, convictions and aspirations. This capacity to dialogue with and influence each other fosters trust and commitment. Supporting each other in living their dreams and having a sense of meaning in their relationship holds couples together in a vibrant bond that brings greater vigor and resilience.

Peggy Walsh is a board-certified clinical nurse specialist who offers Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. For more information or to make an appointment, call 718-208-6986 or mail [email protected].